It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
