Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
