Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
