Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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