tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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