He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
