the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Say something about gay babies.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
