Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I lost the right to judge tonight
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I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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