Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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