Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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