Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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