the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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