I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
