Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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