So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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