I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
