I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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