Bisexual people are plain selfish.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
