Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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