Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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