Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
