Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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