i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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