I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
