So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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