You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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