Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
