matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
