We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
