sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
do nipples grow back?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
