well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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