My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
