How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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