Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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