Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
