I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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