you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
