I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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