I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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