Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
