It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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