bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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