Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
