we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
