a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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