Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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