Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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