he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry about my life...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
