Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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