alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
