hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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