Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
