he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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