And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
