You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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