I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
